Dear Fellow Firstborn,
Being the firstborn is like stepping into shoes that are too big for us. From the moment we enter the world, we’re expected to walk paths we’ve never tread before. We stumble at first, unsure of how to walk in them, but we keep going anyway, because we don’t know any other way. Those shoes are filled with expectations, responsibilities, and all the “firsts” that come with being the eldest—first word, first steps, first to do everything. But no one ever warns you how heavy those shoes can feel once you realize the weight they carry, and how you’re not just walking for yourself, but for everyone else too.
The Unwritten Map We Follow
We become the blueprint of the family, the trial run, the prototype. The world doesn’t write our role in the stars, but lays it out before us as if it’s our destiny. Someone hands us an invisible map—one we never asked for—that pushes us through the “expected” routes: be the role model, be the leader, get it right. People expect us to show others the way, even while we’re still figuring it out ourselves. The weight of being the firstborn feels less like an honor and more like a responsibility, and sometimes it feels like we’re walking alone.
The Mask We Wear
And so we wear the mask—the mask of strength, perfection, and reliability. It’s the mask that tells the world we have it all together. But behind it lies the unspoken truth: we don’t always feel as strong as we look.
The firstborn is expected to be the one who doesn’t crack under pressure, who holds everything together. But the weight of that mask is exhausting. No one sees the vulnerability underneath—the quiet moments when we just want to let go, to be human, to make mistakes without feeling like we’ve let everyone down.
The Hidden Footnotes of the Firstborn
What we often don’t share are the untold stories—the sacrifices, the quiet moments of doubt, the times we wished we could just be like everyone else, free from the weight of being the eldest. The firstborn’s journey is often a quiet one, with a lot of unseen burdens. But just as a footnote adds meaning to a story, these moments of struggle and growth are part of who we are. They are the pieces that shape us into the strong, compassionate individuals we’ve become.
Not Just First, But Whole
Here’s the beautiful part: as the firstborn, we can still be first—but not in the way others might expect. We have the power to live for ourselves, not just for the roles we’ve been handed. There’s no need to be the perfect one, the leader, the achiever all the time. It’s okay to be human. Mistakes are part of the journey—and so is taking up space and creating our own path. And in doing so, we reclaim the joy, the freedom, and the power that comes with owning our own life.
Nurtured by Roots, Ready to Blossom
So, fellow firstborn, think of yourself as a garden that’s finally blooming. For years, you were the seed, planted in the soil of responsibility, growing strong roots, doing what needed to be done. But now, you’re in full bloom, not just for others, but for yourself. The weight of being the firstborn, like the soil, helped you grow—but now, it’s your turn to stretch your branches wide and let your own flowers bloom.
You are allowed to take up space in the sun, to let your leaves unfurl toward your own dreams. You no longer have to stay rooted in the ground of duty; you are free to rise and flourish in your own unique way. The world isn’t waiting for you to be perfect—it’s waiting for you to grow into the beautiful person you already are. You have everything inside you to be whole, just as you are.
With love and understanding,
A Fellow Firstborn